(Kim Jackson)-- Let me tell you about one of the best dates I’ve ever had. He came to my door and patiently waited outside while I grabbed my purse. He opened the car door for me. He turned his radio down to a low tone so we could talk about where we were going because it hadn’t been decided yet. Once we came to an agreement; we realized that we had some spare time before the movie that we both wanted to see would begin. We decided to get something to eat. We walked in and were greeted graciously. He said, “Now, don’t be shy. Get what you want.” and I did. We got our food and we talked; about anything and everything. We laughed. We smiled. We agreed. We disagreed. We were creating a moment and a connection…right there in the middle of the dining area of a Publix grocery store. That’s right. I said Publix. You see…it wasn’t about which restaurant he could afford or where he took me. He asked what I wanted and I wanted a philly from Publix…those things are awesome! The melted cheese with extra mushrooms, mm…okay; getting off topic here. But what made the date one of the best I’ve ever had is that it was a REAL date. 

You see, after the last article; the question that most people have asked is what is wrong with the ‘dating scene’. It was kind of a redundant question…because no one really dates anymore. People have gotten into the practice of ‘hanging out’ and ‘chilling’. Let’s examine that…you go visit your elderly grandmother and she says “Who’s your friend? Is that your boyfriend/girlfriend” and your reply is “No, we’re just hanging out and chilling.”? What sense does that make? Or how about when some actually think they’re going on a date and right when the car door closes, your date says one of the following:

1. My mother/father/sister/brother/friend is having a little get together and I thought we could swing by there for a few minutes.

2. It’s my mother/father/sister/brother/friend’s birthday and they’re having a party and I thought we could stop by there for a few minutes.

3. I just want to go by my mother/father/sister/brother/friend’s house for a minute. I just want to check on him/her.

You either end up sitting in a stranger’s home for hours surrounded by more strangers or you’re now in the car with an extra person who has the perfect spot to go to. THESE ARE NOT DATES PEOPLE!!!

You must remember (and what people seem to have forgotten), when you are dating someone you are trying to get to know that person. Their likes and dislikes. Their aspirations and goals. You are trying to make a connection. You are attempting to see if your personalities mesh. Essentially, this person that you are trying to get to know could be your life mate. You can’t make that determination at Ronnie’s auntie’s sister’s cousin’s uncle’s house, when you’re supposed to be sitting down talking to each other. Quite frankly, I believe even going to a movie defeats the purpose of dating as well…remember, you’re supposed to be ‘watching’ not talking.

I have an idea…it may be a little radical, but go with me. How about keeping your date a secret? No, I’m not saying all dates should be had at home…still not a date, pay attention. What I mean is have some guidelines in place for when you’re dating. When you’re dating, it’s about that person. Correct? Well, how about keeping it that way for a certain amount of time? There’s no real reason that you should have to go to any place that has more than two people; unless you’re double dating. Now, that’s the creative part. Once you exclude movies, where else can you go that will allow you to talk to each other and get to know each other? And how about doing this for at least two months? The time frame is adjustable upwards only…you won’t learn everything about this person, but in two months or more; you will be able to make a determination on whether or not to continue dating them.

So, let’s recap. For my singles out there…come up with creative, imaginative things for you and your fellow dater to do. Keep your dates to and by yourselves; it only takes two. Skip the movies; until a later date (yes, the pun was intended). And by all means (just in case it needs to be said), keep the ‘horizontal mambo’ out of it all together. Remember, it’s meant to be for specific reasons. And meeting someone on Tuesday and wanting to take them there on Friday is not it. Ultimately, communication is the key! Now, for my married folks out there; your homework is easier. Date your spouse and quit trying to give advice to your single friends about what they should be or need to be doing. We have it hard enough; please don’t make it worse. We all won’t find our soul mate in the produce aisle while reaching for the same head of lettuce.

Class dismissed!

Article disclaimer: If you are single and really looking for that special person to spend the rest of your life with; I really pray that you are blessed with what you need and that you expand on the suggestions that I have made. However, if you are single and you read this article and said, ”What is she talking about? I can get what I need at the club.” Then, this isn’t for you and you just wasted precious clubbing minutes reading my nonsense…and that makes me smile. 

(Aw come on, you know I’m a smart aleck!) 
Kim Jackson