I assumed the position as I normally did

Whenever he says, “Hey, let’s talk.”

Straddling his lap, bodies close, face to face

His hands on my hips and my arms on his shoulders

His tone indicated something was on his mind

Which is what I really appreciate him for

This conversation would be different, I could tell

The impending storm outside was a sign

He called my name to divert my attention from the window

And I looked at this chocolate adonis and smiled

He smiled a little and said, “Let me ask you something.”

“Anything.” I said, as I intertwined my fingers behind his head

His position changed, wrapping his left arm around my body

Under my shirt, his hand rested on my left side

My heart beat faster as he placed his right hand over it

“Your heart is pumping madly…you okay?”

I nodded my reply, I nodded my lie

I saw his left eyebrow raise and slight tilt of the head

“Do you enjoy spending time with me?”---“Of course.”

“Do you look forward to our time together?”---“Definitely.”

“Do you trust me?”---“What?” (thump, thump)

“You heard me…do you trust me?”---“I guess”

“Have you ever been in love?”---“I have”

What is he doing? Why is he doing this? Why won’t he move his hand?

The storm outside begins to rage as I tried to quiet the storm inside me

“Do you love me?”---“I love everyone…it’s the golden rule.”

“Don’t play with me…do you love me?”---“…”

The rain and my heart play drums together

One against my window and the other against his hand

“Answer me.”---“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

I turn my head to watch the rain and mentally block this conversation

“Look…at…me. Do you love me?”

I sighed deeply and said, “I love you, but I’m not in love.”

He sighed and slowly removed his hands

“It’s time for me to go.”---“Already? Are you upset with me?”

“No.”---“Are you sure? It seems like it.”

He raised a little to signal to me to get up and I complied

He looked me in my eyes and I saw tears in his and he said

“I asked you 6 questions and you lied to me on half of them.

If we can’t have trust and honesty…how can we have each other?”

Before I could reply, the man that I loved

The man I couldn't bring myself to trust

Walked out of my life and into the storm.
 

I bet that hurt. Yes, I went through a whole lot to prove a point. Lying has no place in any relationship. Little lies. White lies. No matter how you dress it up; it’s still a lie. Think about it. What happened when you found out there was no Santa Claus? Your little world was crushed and you needed answers. You turned to your friends; who didn’t know until you ruined their day. See? Someone else’s lies can ruin other people’s lives too! Okay, okay. Maybe I’m taking it a bit far…sorry Mom and Dad.

But, I just wanted you to understand. It’s best to tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. We all have things that we are not ready to tell or deal with ourselves. And in those cases…still, tell the truth. ‘I can’t talk about that right now, please understand.’ Hey, I didn’t say tell it all in a lump sum…there’s a pace for everything. In the long run, it’s still a win/win. You will be a better person for it and there is nothing like a relationship between two people with clear consciences.

Kim Jackson