Does Sex determine the quality of the relationship?
With that being said, I'm certainly free to speak of sex within a Godly marriage. I believe sex is definitely vital to a marriage if it's placed in the proper context. The problem is that most people tend to place the wrong significance on sex. Also, people often delve on hidden expectations of their partners when it comes to the quality of sex. Generally things that are left unspoken will often evolve into major issues down the road.
But, my intentions here are to give it to you straight and not to be too deep here. I often like to make comparisons between relationships and cars…We all know that the main function of a car is to transport you from one place to another. In addition to that, we often desire luxury items such as power features, leather seats, and some nice wheels. I equate those luxury options to sex in a relationship (please get married 1st). Those luxury options are great to have but, they're all worthless when your car's engine breaks down. Just imagine that you are on the side of the road in the middle of no-where…I sure bet you would rather have a car that runs with cloth seats, rollup windows, and hub caps at that point. This scenario is the same as a relationship in crisis; there is nothing there to jump-start the relationship back to reconciliation. Don't get me wrong, you should definitely desire to have all of the above upfront in your relationship. But, it generally means that you have bought the wrong car if you can't afford to keep it maintained. Let that one marinate for a second...
What I'm getting at is that relationships require regular maintenance as well as cars. Simply put, you are deemed to have problems if you can’t relate, express, communicate, or get along with your partner. Yes, even great sex (in a marriage) can be greatly affected by poor communication. Better yet, average sex (in a marriage) can be improved with great communication.
You may not have the money to upgrade your car but, you can surely improve all relationships by being able to relate through healthy forms of communication. Being able to "relate" is one of the most important aspects within your relationship.
In closing, my final suggestion for you is to keep God first and fruitfully seek balance in your relationships. If God meant for sex to be the fruit of a loving union then surely sex can not survive on its own. When both man and wife concur to agree with God and his mandates, then they will definitely conquer any disagreements amongst each other. A wise person once said "where there is no love there is no understanding." I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Categories: Relationships
Tags: relationships; sex; marriage; wedding; communication;understanding; God
you have some good points but, i'm not sure how realistic they are. the fact is that most people don't wait for marriage. and i understand that communication is important but, most people arent effective in it. i would have like to have seen you elaborate on more effective ways of communication. overall i still appreciate your take on this matter.
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you know...people that refuse to do things the proper way shouldnt complain about the results of it... thats like people who complain about high divorce rates but, they continue to do things that contribute to it.
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it depends on your upbringing. this society is more liberal in their ways than say your grandparents...you cant expect peoples values to change if they never had good examples to follow growing up. people imitate relationship habits mainly from their parents and people in their past. if their role models were dysfunctional then more than likely they will become dysfunctional.
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Diva, i was referring to people who should know better...the ones who dont will have to just crash and burn.
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Diva, in Hosea 4:6 it states:My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.
has nothing to do with your upbringing. There is no where on earth where you can go and can't find some form or type of religious background. I'm speaking from a christian standpoint right now, but I also am not condemning anyone either. People do what they do b/c a lot of people act on emotion or feeling. Not many people actually do research on themselves to understand enough about who they are and whose they are.
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I hear u both but, I don't follow you on the research part. Are you suggesting that people should supress their emotions in exchange for religion?
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Diva, emotions change... Actually, emotions can become very unstable without a firm belief system. Your emotions are just merely provoking your reactions from circumstance. They do NOT explain anything or give reasoning.
Can you say the same about the truth? I don't think so. The truth has not changed, nor will it ever. It is foolish to live life without prior knowledge or wisdom. Your emotions should be based on truth and not the other way around.
Find your purpose and live on it.
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Hello All,
I appreciate the comments made pertaining to the article, particularly having sex before marriage. For those who say that times have changed, I remind you that the Word of God has not. His Word says that our bodies belong to Him and it is the temple of the Holy Spirit. His Word also says that we are to abstain from defiling our bodies until we have entered into the sacred convenant with our spouse. I do not condemn, but I do convict and challenge everyone to strive for righteousness. I'll be the first to admit that I have missed the mark (sinned) in this area before, but I know that His grace covers a multitude of sins. Paul tells us in Romans that we should not abound in sin becuase His grace is everlasting, rather we should strive for His will. For those who say we have never been shown better, or we do not have an example, I point to Jesus. Our example for righteous living in every respect.
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nice response Marcus. it put things back in the proper perspective.
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Great comments from you all...
I would like to add my own experience to the mix. I'm currently taking a 2nd shot at marriage and can attest that a relationship built on sex has to be sustained by sex. Quite frankly, this is the absolute WRONG reason to get married. It almost always leads to infidelity and/or divorce.
This hits home because I started having health problems during my 1st marriage that prevented the quality and frequency of sex that was experienced early on between us. Slowly my 1st marriage started to crumble because we never really had a strong bond mentally or spiritually.
Unfortunately,desires dictated that marriage. We both lacked communication skills which reared its ugly head towards the end. This time around I have taken time to build a relationship instead of basing everything on desires of the flesh. Choose real love instead of the spirit of self fulfillment.
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