A Mother’s Father’s Day

with Kim Jackson 

 

*Article Disclaimer: If you are of the classic ‘baby momma drama’ school of wisdom (male or female); it would be best if you did not read this article. However, as we are curious by nature; I know that I can not stop you. Just accept who you are and work on it…or not…it’s totally up to you.

 

 

I got the text messages. I got the I.M.s. I even got a few personal Facebook well wishes. ‘You’ve been pulling double duty…Happy Father’s Day.’ I accepted them and wondered, out loud…on my FB status…; where is my breakfast in bed? Then some ignant…and yes, I know I spelled it wrong; but you know what and how I’m saying it…so and so decided to put out a blanket status for all the ‘baby mommas’. ‘If you didn’t wish your baby’s daddy a Happy Father’s Day, then you’re a (derivative of a mule).’

 

Normally, I would chalk it up as Freedom of Speech. Maybe even, lack of knowledge from the school of hard knocks…life. I may even excuse you, if you are under the age of 30. But…when you are over the age of 35 spewing your ignorance all over such a beloved network as Facebook…I have to say something. I won’t even go into finding some resources from different corners of this country. I’m going to pull it ALL from personal experience.

 

I subscribe to a very customary philosophy. ‘If you know you have a responsibility to do something; no one should have to remind you.’ I don’t have to keep reminding my son that he has to take out the garbage…okay, that was a lie…but he knows it’s his job. So, if a woman tells a man that he’s fathered a child; then he knows his responsibilities. It doesn’t matter if he’s ready for it or not…there’s a little person on the way.

 

Now, when that little person arrives and all responsibility falls upon the shoulders of one parent; there is an unbalanced scale to that child’s life and it is up to that remaining parent to take on all duties…without complaint or criticism. It is that parent’s responsibility to attempt to balance this unbalanced scale in parental love, teachings, and discipline. This is an especially hard job when the absent parent has been called home and the remaining parent is hard at work; combining the two jobs into one. But, it becomes a different and uncomfortable matter all together when the absent parent just chooses to be invisible for whatever reasons they reconcile within themselves. This is sometimes met with derogatory language and threats wrapped in email, text, phone, friends, and family. Which results in more foolishness that the real adults in the situation should be nipping in the bud; but because some are just as ignorant and trifling as their grandchild’s parents…then the foolishness continues. It’s a vicious cycle that only gets resolved when the child is of an age to see the true matter of the situation and chooses their mother or father while resenting the other parent.

 

Then you have the single parents like me; the parent that took the high road. I’ve heard and seen women tell their child’s father that they couldn’t see them if they didn’t get one or more of the following:

 

1. Money
2. Clothes
3. Pay a bill
4. Get their hair and/or nails done
5. Diapers
6. Milk
7. Groceries
8. Them to be their man

 

You name it…the child was kept from their father if the mother didn’t receive these things. And sadly, when they didn’t receive these things; the child was the one to hear it. “You’re daddy ain’t nothing.” “You see how your daddy do? He don’t love you if he won’t bring ya-da ya-da ya-da.” If you are this type of mother…my apologies, but not really; you make me nauseous.

 

I had a responsibility to my son. It didn’t matter that his father wanted to act as if he suffered from conditional amnesia and he only remembered that he had a son when it was convenient for him. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have the money for daycare…which is absolutely ridiculous now…I had sisters, aunts, nieces that were available to babysit. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t making enough money at my current job to support a small family…I got a better job; it was hard, but I did what I had to do. I cleaned noses, scraps, and cuts. I cleaned house, rooms, and little bodies. I cooked special dinners; even created a few. I coddled when needed. I even let him know when it wasn’t okay to cry. I was at all the games. I was at the practices. I yelled from the sidelines. I ran the concession stands. When he asked about girls; I let him know what he needed to know and what he didn’t want to know. I was mommy. I was daddy.

 

And never did I go banging on his door with nonsense. Even when my son was in tears because ‘daddy’ wasn’t around or ‘daddy’ didn’t come like he said he would. That just made me do more. I created special dates for us. He could pick the restaurant and the movie. Even when we moved…I did it for him. I wanted his future brighter than what I saw was being offered. I took care of my responsibility, because that is what I was supposed to do. This precious life was a gift to me that needed to be nurtured and treasured. And I did it to the best of my abilities and beyond.

 

So, when I see a blanket statement such as the one the gentleman made; not only was I perturbed, but I was flabbergasted. Especially because it is highly possible that he was raised the same way. But, I won’t sweat it. And it’s simply because of a few things.

 

1. My son gave the shoes off his feet to a homeless man when he was leaving the mall after buying a new pair for himself.
2. My son has given a quite a few ‘doggy’ bags of his meal away when he’s seen someone digging in the garbage for food.
3. My son, although an only child, has a number of ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’ that call me ‘Momma’ because we have no problem sharing our family unit, love, and camaraderie.

 

These things my son may not have done…IF I wasn’t mommy and daddy. So, Mr. Impertinent, the next time you decide to put something out there like that; be prepared to have your hand smacked by a Mother Father like me until you know better.